I've shared just a small portion of
our adoption story in past posts. I am so grateful to those who have responded. Your comments have given us such hope and encouragement. Thank you!
Our story continues.
About six months ago, we realized that Ella was "stuck" in her play therapy. I remember telling her therapist, Erin, "If I have to play out that story one more time I'm going to freak!" (At that time I was also in the playroom with Ella during therapy.)
Erin just laughed. She asked if I was
really ready for a change. I knew what that meant. With change comes emotion. Not just a little emotion, A LOT of emotion from our Ella--spewing everywhere, especially in
my face.
Erin could see that Ella had parts of her story that were missing, and suggested we fill in the blanks. We all met together and with a stack of pictures and photos, unfolded Ella's story before her eyes. Erin explained each part so Ella could understand. It was hard to listen to all she had been through when she was so little. Ella was pretty quiet--and then hyper--as she took it all in.
Yes, there was a fall-out--as expected--but it was also very helpful. Ella had very strong, painful emotions associated with her mother, but
I was the only mother she remembered. Now she could see, that it wasn't me who hurt her so deeply.
Fast forward, and Ella starts asking more questions about her birth parents. Why did they make bad choices? Do they still make bad choices? She wondered if she wasn't with them because "she wasn't born right." That
seriously broke my heart. I could see the little wheels turning in her head and her self-worth being impaired.
We thought perhaps it was time for Ella to "meet" her birth parents. I say meet, only because she didn't remember them. She had pictures and had actually talked to her birth father, Sean, a couple of times, but was still struggling with whether they were "real".
The big day.
For days, Ella shared her feelings as excited, but also nervous. I'd tell her, "Me too!" and we'd giggle. We explained to Ella that she could change her mind at any time and cancel the meeting.
Ella chose to meet at the
Family Support and Treatment Center. I was hesitant, but Erin explained it was a very understandable choice, because she feels safe there and it's where she deals with hard things. (Yep, my issue again. :))
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| Boy, I was pretty serious about getting this right! :) |
